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Av Håkan - 8 september 2016 13:53

I wake up to a world that I don't recognize. It's all confusing how everything can change over the night... The fire is still burning but I'm so frozen. I have no longer that glowing heat in my hearth. Its just me and my wolf this days on a journey with no end. The silence surrounding everything and the only thing we can hear is the roar from the dragons in the sky and the song of the Wolfs in the forest. I have been fighting for so long. Sometimes i just want to lie down and close my eyes forever. But the voice inside me always screams in my mind to get back up again. Telling me to get my shit together and keep fighting to my last breath. It doesn't matter how many times I fall. Some how I always find the power to get back up again and keep walking the distance to the unknown future. I never gonna stop believe in people how much they keep hurting me I am not giving up on humanity. You may all think I'm dark and dieing inside. You all have so wrong. I am just dealing with my demons in a different way. Even though you failing me to point that I'm bleeding I'm still here tomorrow. Maybe a little weaker then before but I will be here.

You only have one life. So you can't expect it to be perfect. You will understand your capacity only when you meet your reflection in the shadow of your mirror. You will be bleeding from your soul over and over. Everything is going to feel like it will destroy you. But you can accept it and move on or lie down and die. You always have a choice. Remember you are so much more then what's showing on the outside. Just have to find a way to break your chains that holds you back to happiness. Hiding in the cave is not going to work the entire life. The darkness will consume your entire life and you will die alone. Everyone has different demons to deal with everyday. I have just find a way to live in peace with mine. Belive me I have been fighting mine for so long but I never give up. And now I'm controlling my own dreams and destiny. Do not let the mind decide your life. Just open your eyes and let the world in and you will be surprised what an amazing feeling it is to be free from your nightmares.

Av Håkan - 28 augusti 2016 23:45

Alla trodde vi skulle stupa. Alla har kämpat emot oss hela tiden. Jag föll så många gånger men gav aldrig upp. Hur sårad och hur mycket jag än blödde jag alltid trodde på våran framtid. Vetskapen av den styrka du gett och gav mig gjorde så jag kunde resa mig upp igen gång på gång. Den enorma mäng kärlek som rusade genom min krigande själ visade sig i slutändan vara mitt fall.. Förlusten av att ha förlorat kampen bränner mina sinnen varje dag. Obeskrivlig förlust som kommer hemsöka mig var eviga dag. Vad gjorde jag för fel? Hur kunde jag låta andras sjuka påståenden påverka min egen verklighet. Blodröda tårar jag kan inte sova. Ingen ville vi skulle överleva framtiden. Ingen trodde på oss. Vi lät dom vinna till priset av vad? Aldrig någonsin jag känt sån enorm smärta. Varje dag är en kamp att överleva. Jag tittar ut över horisonten och det enda jag ser är min själ brinna upp och försvinna. Jag hoppas och jag vill så gärna tro detta bara är en hemsk mardröm. Men varje gång jag nyper mig i armen så slår verkligheten mig ner till marken om och om och om igen. Styrkan och glädjen är borta. Jag är ty blott bara en svag människa redo att lämna in och låta mig försvinna från denna värld. Jag såg och hade bestämt mig för dig. Den glimrande ringen på ditt finger skulle vara toppen av din skönhet. Nu är den bara en bild på en skärm tillbaka skickad likt den mörkaste natten.

Ensamheten gör sig påmind. Mina två största kärlekar har försvunnit ur mitt liv och jag är ensam kvar. Jag vet inte hur jag ska överleva längre. Allting är svart. Jag har för första gången i mitt liv ingen gnista kvar. Mina brinnande ögon har slocknat. Jag kan inte längre förstå mitt eget liv. Jag är bara en skugga som vandrar runt utan hopp eller tro på något. Alla säger ryck upp dig de blir bättre. Jag håller alltid med dom för jag vill inte dom ska förstå hur förstörd jag är. Ryck upp dig, gå vidare. Du hittar någon annan. Vad andra inte förstår är jag hade allt jag någonsin önskat mig. Jag är inte intresserad av att rycka upp mig inte intresserad överhuvudtaget om någon annan. Min familj mitt liv är nu bara blott ett minne som varje gång jag tänker på gråter mig i tystnad tills jag somnar. Många sa vi var perfekta för varandra. De perfekta paret som passade så bra tillsammans. Nu är vi bara två personer på olika platser. Jag kommer alltod hoppas även då jag vet att de är lönlöst. Men jag kan inte leva vidare utan hoppet på ett mirakel. Kärleken över vinner allt... Meb denna gången går jag förlorad ut ur helvetes eldar.

Sanningen av verkligheten kommer bli slutet av min egen verklighet...

Av Håkan - 13 augusti 2016 01:17

My worst nightmare has become reality. I standing on my knees bleeding. The wound is so deep. How will I survive this? I can't stop thinking that all of this just have to be a really bad dream... Can you really lose your soulmate? Is that even possible? So many questions so little answer. What did I do wrong? Wasn't my love enough? I just wanted you forever. I feel dead inside. That fire you made floating in my veins is now stone cold. Everything fells so empty. Everyone wanted us to fail. And you let them win. Why???? True all my life I have struggled and never felt safe or pleased. The connection between our eyes was real. How can something so real just vanished in the air in a blink of an eye. The the world just stopped and my strength leaving my body. I just keep bleeding. Your presence always healing me. How am I supposed to do now?? I let you in the lockt chamber of my soul and let you see my darkest secrets. The walls I been building for years I took down for you. My future my life. my love. And for what? So you could stab me in the heart and leave me for death... I don't understand I probably never will. The one person I really believed in and thought I will died next to. Is just a shadow in the darkness that surround my entire presence.

I am not angry or mad. Just deeply hurt and disappointed. I trusted you the entire time. Even when your nearest friends and family didn't I always did. And you just didn't care at all.. We all have a choice and you have made realy clear what it is you wanted. Because other wise you had never hurt me in that way. The only way you knew I could not handle. I cant even cry I can't do anything......

I have lost the faith of the journey and myself

Av Håkan - 4 juli 2016 17:18

You wake up and realise that for the first time you have everything you ever wanted. Sometimes I just feel that it is a dream and i never want to wake up again. So many years have past by and finally I feel hole again. Life is a big ass struggle with so many obstacles that you wonder how you are supposed to survive. Always something that tries to put you down. You can be strong by your self and you always will. But when you have your other half right there next to you protecting your hole existence you just feel so safe in a way that you don't can explain in words. The strength and love that make my hole body electrified with emotions I didn't knew was possible.

The connection and understanding just by looking at each other is priceless. If I would die tomorrow I will do it with a smile and gratitude that I have the honor of being part of your life and your presence. Whatever it takes and always and forever we will stand by each other no matter what. People will bring the fight to us and we will always go out victorius. No judgemental eyes or words. Just pure love and understanding that has made me open my mind and soul for the first time in a way that I never thought I ever would do. You cut the chains from my prison and let the world in to my life. As long as we are one nothing else matters. I will protect you even if I die trying. To my last breath I will fight by your side. Never been this happy and never felt so safe. I owe you everything. Yours until I die

Av Håkan - 27 maj 2016 03:09

The only fear I have ever felt is no longer hunting me. I can not decide if I feel relief or regret. Everything that I believed was my burden to bear is no longer hidden in the deep of my mind and past. The understanding and non judgment eyes made me feel confident that I did the right thing. But now we are carrying it together into the future in good or bad. There are no longer a silence in my eyes. Finally my darkness have found what it always been searching for. And this time it's no doubt. You can only live your life the way you want. Even if you have to fight alone you will always be needing that someone that can take your pain away and make sure you don't have to walk alone in the shadows. We are the secret and the key to the truth. And once in a life time you are gonna find someone were your key will match you entire life. And when you do. Do whatever it takes to hold on to that person.

I have so much emotions that sometimes it just feels like a scream in my head. I have always lived like this. And I have always believed that it was a good thing. Today nothing is the same I am learning everyday to shut down and slow my feelings so people don't have that advantage to get into my head and destroy me peace by peace. Because humans love to destroy other people and there life's. It happens everywhere and everyday. Everytime I fall something brakes inside me. What people don't understand is when I get back up again everything that was broken is hole again and ten times stronger. Learning is the key. The key to see what others are capable of. Never show your weeknes they will use it against you. Fight in silence trust me that's your advantage.

Av Håkan - 29 april 2016 00:45

True the shadow from the moon I will be following you were ever you go. I will always be there even if you say you don't need me. Time is precious this days. So I will cherish every singel second I allowed in your life. Whatever it takes you will see my love for you in all the ways possible. The walls I have been building up my entire life is now breaking down peace by peace. Finally I have found that person that's understand the combination for the way into my soul. Despite the unknown she jumped fearless into my life not knowing what to expect. The fire in your eyes makes my blood veins on fire and my heart rushing so fast I believe it's gonna explode. Nothing comes easy. And all do we walk hand in hand together in the darkness. We are always gonna meet different demons trying to destroy our love for each other. Unfortunately for them we are always a step ahead of them. So I say let them haunt us and they will be surprised what the power of two soulmates can do.

Everyone thinks that life is the future and they struggle so hard to believe that they can change it to there own benefit. They will walk over corps just to make sure they make it true. The mask they are wearing is just to distance them self from the reality. The lies just goes deeper and deeper into there mind so they don't even know what's real or not. No one is perfect and will never be. But maybe it's time to wake the fuck up and see the world with naked eyes for once. Maybe you be surprised that the life you are living have just been a lie. You have just so many seconds, minutes, ours, days, month and years. Try to stop and breathe, you don't know it can be the last breath you take. I have always lived my life this way. And have always just letting the years passed me bye. Not thinking about what the hell I was doing. Now everything has changed. I have lived my life in a lie of illusion. Finally I can see the real me in the mirror. The shadow of my past is gone. And all this because of you. From the first day I meet you I saw the fire in your eyes and from that moment I knew my entire life was gonna change. But I dint know that it was going to be this amazing. You are the best thing I have ever accomplish in my life. And whatever happens you open my soul to the real world.

Av Håkan - 20 april 2016 08:05

The distraction is not working anymore. The struggle have been to a endless crawling between the future and the past. Will I ever understand or is this how I'm gonna live my life today.? I can't keep pushing my mind any harder. I am burning up from the inside. It's no reality left. Just wondering between hope and dreams. The gates to my soul is closing and the chamber of my own prison is screaming my name. Maybe it's time to once more let the chains keep me away from everything.
It's no longer a question about the truth or the lies. It's just a decision whatever I will believe my own thoughts or not. Can the dreams be real? So many things to consider but so little time left. I'm not sure I will be able to get up again if I fall.
I have to prepare for disappointment because it's what I'm use to.. Words means nothing if you can't prove them in the real life. I look at you and I just know you are the one. That one that's always helping me even if you don't know it. The connection between our eyes and hearts are the reasons I still standing. Whatever happens you are my true strength and savior.

The sun is not shinining anymore. Everyday is only darkness. I used to be afraid of it. But the darkness have proved to be more like me then I ever could have hoped for. Because in the darkness you always can hide. And the days are counting down fast. The only thing that scares me more then knowing is that I don't know anything anymore... I can only feel it growing inside me. And how much I am fighting it it just keep teraing me down peace by peace. My ideas are running out so I am getting deeper and deeper into the maze. The silence is starting to take over and only the whispers in the shadows entertain me. Whenever I open my mouth nothing is coming out. I'm trying so hard but everytime a single word sleeps out it feels like someone stabs me in the chest. How can anyone open up there mind without knowing the outcome?
The future will forever be untold and the days ahead are uncertain the only thing I know is the minutes I'm breathing right here right now.

Av Håkan - 19 april 2016 02:29

I will be looking into the darkness with my eyes wide open. Perhaps it will be looking back into my wounded soul. Despite the bleeding tears I still smile at does who hide in the shadows. You should never hide from your own image. Will anyone destroy who you are. I might just disappear into the mist for time being. But never underestimate the power of a person that has nothing more too lose.
And even if you think I still fights alone you might be surprised who always standing by my side both stronger, faster and more dangerous than I ever will be. People are trying to break our bound and always will. But remember soulmates will always be stronger together then you ever will be or understand.
The future has changed and I with it.....

Endless nights with voices screaming in my head. The haunted never stop searching until they found what they want. My eyes are closed but I am always awake listening for every scratch every sound of your presence. The days feels like months and the months like years. Will I be able to escape my own dreams or I am trapped forever. My own demons are anxious I can feel there every breath like my own heart beat going faster. Something is about to happen the question is how do we change our destiny without changing the future??? will I survive even with you by my side? Or has the time for the burning flames finally beat us. No one has the luxury to understand what we don't know yet. So why is everyone trying so dam hard to fight the impossible? Are we all so afraid that we can't let the world make does decions for us. In the end we are all just peaces that can be sacrifice.


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